I have ADHD—a chronic neurodevelopmental condition often characterized by difficulties with attention, hyperactivity, and impulsivity, among other challenges.
I do struggle with concentrating on a lecture or a movie, or I might constantly stim and fidget, but the common description and perception of ADHD only scratches the surface.
For me, ADHD manifests as prolonged anxiety episodes that make everyday life exhausting. My inability to break free from my thoughts traps me in an endless cycle of anxiety and feelings of impending doom. I can sit for hours, drowning in my mind, cycling the same thoughts, unable to move forward.
ADHD paralysis disrupts my life in ways that are difficult to explain. Chores often remain unfinished, homework sits untouched, and plans are canceled—not on purpose, nor out of laziness, but because my body is simply paralyzed by my brain. I remain still, unable to escape.
This experience is difficult to explain, and brings on severe anxiety, but also leaves me ashamed, thinking about how I never get anything significant done.
Every day, I push myself to fight through the mental fog, concentrate, and be present; every day I am fatigued and burnt out.
But this is my reality. This is how I was born, and it affects my self-perception.
Before I was diagnosed in my freshman year, ADHD played a major role in the development of my Generalized Anxiety Disorder and Chronic Depression. In my key development years, I believed my struggles to keep up with peers meant I wasn’t as capable or intelligent— despite maintaining high grades in honors classes since the third grade.
Yet, regardless of these challenges, I am grateful for my ADHD. It has shaped me into the person I am today.
Being trapped in my brain allowed me to make important discoveries. My ability to be spontaneous and to hyperfixate on things that interested me, allowed me to innovate and be a great problem solver.
My ADHD is more than just not being able to pay attention, it’s more than just being loud, and it’s much more than just a “curse”.
Having ADHD is not a burden on me; I see it as a part of who I am. This is how I was born, and I choose to cherish it.
